So what's been happening in the nearly four years since I resigned?....

After leaving the police force I went straight into a position at State Debt Recovery Office responding to written requests for leniency on penalty notices. I was there for about 15 months and still being the midst of my depression had a few issues there. At the end of the contracts I wasn't renewed again and so was out of work for four months. I was still running my photography business though this was on the slide as well. It was during the four months without work that I had to shut my business down due to owing money for advertising that I simply did not have. So in the end I sold all of my equipment and was forced to go down the path of a Part 9 Debt Agreement to avoid bankruptcy.

I then worked at a Telstra call centre for sometime rescheduling missed technician appointments, not very pleasant calls to have to make on occasion. I ended up getting what is called a Pilonidal Sinsus, which is like a cyst on my bottom, meaning I couldn't sit down without a lot of pain. So I had to get this cut out which left a very deep hole and meant I couldn't return to work. I had originally been led to believe it would only be about a week off work but that week turned out to be three months and at that time they phoned and said don't come back, thanks for the understanding. I was following the advice of the community nurse who was regularly coming to change the dressing but it was not healing properly and ended up taking about six months to fully heal.

So unemployed again and heading backwards financially. I got a position at Hunter Water Corporation in the contact centre there. The people I worked with were all amazing and I really loved the variety of the work and conditions. Alas the boss of Hunter Water had decided to cut costs and outsource the contact centre to a third party company called Sykes. I had heard many bad things about them and yet decided to see what it would be like moving to them. Unfortunately the move occurred at the same time I nearly lost my mum to a heart attack and we were told to say our good byes. It was the worst six weeks of my life but we still have her. I had gone to the first day at Sykes, the beginning of four weeks teaching us what we already knew to do. Most of the wonderful people I had worked with had decided not to go to Sykes and I quickly found out why. The equipment they used was old and substandard, the training room tiny, cramped and stuffy (the door to the room didn't even have a handle). That set the theme and the final straw, only one hour into the day, was when they then said we would have to pay for our own security passes. No thank you. So yes it's my fault I am back to being unemployed, not they we get any assistance at all. But I have principles and was not willing to loose my own self to those people.

I have enrolled to Study a Bachelor of Psychology at Newcastle University and had hoped to do it whilst at Hunter Water, unfortunately my shifts and the classes wouldn't work out. So I deferred till 2012, whether I take that up or not is again up in the air as it will depend on what kind of work I find.

So from joining the police with the aim to have that as my career till retirement I am now just drifting aimlessly through life. I often feel what is the point. More and more time is spent in depression and I rarely go anywhere outside. The times I have been positive and on the mend it's like life throws another wall at me to stop me. I know it's not true but that is how it often feels and I'm just not sure where to go from here. The job front is not good and despite having a lot of qualifications I seem to miss out on the ones I would enjoy and be great at. So I'm still looking for the right path to lead me through life, but feel old and worn out at 39. My health is attrocious and more often than not I just don't care anymore.

I should have fought the police and Allianz for the help I deserved, despite the lies from police management and the Allianz psychologist. But I didn't and still haven't as the thought of going through it all again is too much.

Update as of 28th November 2011

I'm still out of work though I have started my own business to help people with computers. It's something I know and I am comfortable with, though even now I get anxious and sweat even doing things I am good at. About three weeks ago I received a letter of offer from the University of Newcastle for my position in the Bachelor of Psychology but with no money that looks to be yet another dream unfulfilled. So right now I'm in that loop again, feeling lost, unable to be of any use to my wife or society. I had two positions, the first at a company doing repairs on blenders in a warehouse. The second in a call centre for wine sales as a customer service person. Both of these didn't work out as I began breaking down really quickly. With the repair work being in a warehouse and on my feet for the whole day, by the end of the first day with my poor health and obesity my back was killing me. I realised I just would not be able to do the work with my health as bad as it was, I also couldn't deal with the emotions of not being able to do something so simple. Then the contact centre position turned out to have a cold calling sales aspect that they had initially told me I wouldn't be doing. I can't abide cold calling sales, I hate when people phone me trying to sell things so I would not do it to someone else. I was struggled through three days of training, constantly worrying about even working with a company that believed in cold calling to generate sales. I knew that it was business and that was how they made money but I was not comfortable being a part of it. Yet I also knew how much we needed the money, so this all combined to cause me to break down one morning before work and hence I didn't return. I feel like such a let down to my wife and to myself, I feel broken and despite my logical thinking I can't seem to fix myself. When will this nightmare of a life end and something good start to happen for us?

My computer support business, fingers crossed will at least bring some form of income in to help pay bills as at present we are only barely staying above water but are quickly drowning. If anyone needs any assistance please check out my other website.

geekworkz.com.au provides computer help,it support,mobile computer repairs,technical support,computer support,it help, website design, computer training, maitland, newcastle,